01.06.11

Dear dumb shits:

Posted in life tagged at 8:41 pm by kyrias

To the dumb shit who ran out into the street after their light turned red:

I have to say, you bring a whole new meaning to the reminder to go down the street, not across the road. Please, if you want to kill yourself, do not engage us in your suicidal plans. I assure you that pills work just as well as getting run over by a car. Potentially better, since you don’t need to count on the hapless other party to not brake on time. If you must needs use a car, I have it on very good authority that running a hose from the exhaust into the interior of the car is a pretty reliable method of suicide — and your cheeks turn a lovely pink from the carbon monoxide too. Or, if there’s something appealing to you about relying on chance, why not use the railroad tracks? That way, at least you’re not ruining someone elses’ insurance premiums and potentially involving them in a lawsuit. Of course, if you’re a dickless dumb shit, which you appear to be, then I suppose there’s no help for that. I wish you the best of luck in your suicidal endeavors and sincerely pray that you will not make it to reproduction because the last thing we need is someone irresponsible like you parenting an impressionable child.

– no love, kyrias

To the dumb shit who wasn’t paying attention in the middle of Central Sq:

First of all, above all, you fail at life. Mostly because you engaged in a hit and run and lied to us to get us to get back into our car and then skedaddled. Secondly, I’m going to assume that you’re not from NYC, because if you were, then you should know better than to not pay attention when dumb fucks are running around like headless chickens. It was the middle of Central Sq where idiots were running amok, and yet you managed to hit us when we braked for one of said idiots. Considering that it wasn’t a hard brake on our part, I suspect you were just tooling along at a much faster speed than you should have. Double fail for you. If you are from NYC, triple fail with no cherry on top. I hope you get what’s coming to you, shitface. :)

– no love, kyrias